Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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