someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
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