She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
