Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
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I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
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Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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