I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
