it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
