I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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