don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
