Ambien. No doubt about it.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
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