I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
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we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
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