She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
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