Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
