All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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