Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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