your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
