you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
