I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Randomize
