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For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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