So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
She needs sedatives and a leash
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
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