I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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