Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
We had to coat check the pizza.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
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