She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Randomize
