guys are not supposed to queef...right?
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
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