this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
