Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
