Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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