i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
