I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
