I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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