This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
