Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
