I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
