I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
My vagina is officially offended.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
