She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize