This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
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