how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
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