Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Randomize
