he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
