she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
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