we're chasing vodka with high fives
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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