My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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