So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Randomize
