Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
