If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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