well I can't set my house on fire every night
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
