I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
