So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
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Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
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Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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