So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day