U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes