I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago