connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Randomize
