I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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