I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
