ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
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