my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
