she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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