me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
