just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
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