in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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