so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
