if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Randomize
