your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Found your dick twin last night
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
