i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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