explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Randomize
