They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
