When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....