Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?