Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
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