I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
