Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(773): View more from Illinois

Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.

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(773): Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys. http://tfl.nu/g51j

Replies (39) Good night (4107) Bad night (1227)
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(480): View more from Arizona

ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result

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(480): ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result http://tfl.nu/ejuh

Replies (25) Good night (729) Bad night (3501)
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(610): View more from Pennsylvania

what if every blade of grass was a penis?

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(610): what if every blade of grass was a penis? http://tfl.nu/ka1d

Replies (34) Good night (4363) Bad night (1271)
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(610): View more from Pennsylvania

So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?

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(610): So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues? http://tfl.nu/kfs7

Replies (16) Good night (1331) Bad night (3538)
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(202): View more from Washington, DC

She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.

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(202): She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified. http://tfl.nu/adq0

Replies (14) Good night (1616) Bad night (5655)
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(709): View more from Newfndlnd, Labradr

the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.

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(709): the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table. http://tfl.nu/ak9q

Replies (5) Good night (2930) Bad night (1180)
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(267): View more from Pennsylvania

how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?

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(267): how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch? http://tfl.nu/7fe5

Replies (16) Good night (5202) Bad night (1221)
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(219): View more from Indiana

He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?

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(219): He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back? http://tfl.nu/dswq

Replies (12) Good night (933) Bad night (2683)
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(712): View more from Iowa

You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.

(712): View more from Iowa

On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.

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(712): You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled. (712): On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride. http://tfl.nu/7lij

Replies (2) Good night (2232) Bad night (1220)
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(217): View more from Illinois

Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.

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(217): Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons. http://tfl.nu/9jo6

Replies (9) Good night (1588) Bad night (804)
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(530): View more from California

Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish

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(530): Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish http://tfl.nu/hirn

Replies (4) Good night (744) Bad night (534)
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(720): View more from Colorado

I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue

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(720): I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue http://tfl.nu/01f7

Replies (3) Good night (468) Bad night (377)
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(612): View more from Minnesota

It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.

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(612): It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell. http://tfl.nu/k02r

Replies (0) Good night (406) Bad night (312)
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(423): View more from Tennessee

Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.

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(423): Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems. http://tfl.nu/fnuz

Replies (1) Good night (543) Bad night (357)
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(206): View more from Washington

In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.

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(206): In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter. http://tfl.nu/3ul6

Replies (0) Good night (402) Bad night (179)

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