mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.