Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
21 People Confess Their Craziest Online Dating Experience
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
These 27 Hilarious People Wrote Their Own Obituaries
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.