I am puke
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
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I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
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They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...