can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Randomize
