Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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