I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
