did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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