Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
