I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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