It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Randomize
