I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
