i permit you to call me
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize
