Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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