Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Randomize
