I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize
